El Taco Tequila Taqueria

El Taco Tequila Taqueria is a new joint in town on Cota Street sandwiched between the upscale snob swillery Blue Agave and the overhyped bayou drek of The Palace. It is the former location of the colossally overpriced and equally colossally tasteless Square One, and next door to that pseudo-French wank-fest Cafe Luck, formerly another French wank-fest Mousse Odile (ok, they had a nice filet mignon). What I'm driving at here is that this is a tough locale for a taco shop, and by taco shop, I mean that's the only food item they sell. Lily's can pull this off with permanent lines out the door selling eye tacos for a buck thirty at a location 10 feet from one of California's major freeways. If you stray 10 feet from El Taco you run smack dab into a boutique that specializes in selling $60 pairs of panties to rich white girls. Survival is possible, but difficult, no doubt.

The main obstacle is the proximity to State Street, which I generally avoid the same way I avoid gang bangs with AIDS infected Botswana hookers. The last taco shop on State Street, Chino's Rock and Tacos, went down in a very short lived and incredibly well-deserved pile of flaming shit for two primary reasons: 1. their tacos super-sucked and, 2. their shitty tacos were extraordinarily expensive. So to even have a prayer at survival, El Taco needs to find a decent price point for its high-rent digs, and also make sure the food tastes better than the bottom of my huaraches after a run through that park over by the beach where all the bums piss and shit.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Deb and I went to check it out a few weeks ago and if you're wondering why I'm only getting around to writing about it now, it's because I got either busy or lazy, I can't remember which. As a disclaimer here, I took a snapshot of our meal (shown above) but am having trouble remembering 'exactly' what flavors we had, so I went to their website this afternoon to look at the menu again (it used to be posted online) only to find that they have the most bizarre restaurant website I've ever seen. The site mainly appears to be a computer generated bot-fest that somehow vaguely relates to the tequila part of their menu only. In other words, completely fucking useless unless I was interested in stupid gift ideas ("fun flasks for gifts!") or recipes for concocting some faggy cocktail with an umbrella and a straw. But no menu. Weird.

Anyways, I digress, as I often do when shit irritates me, which is often. Let's get down to it.

Pleasantly surprised, my first impression is I think these guys might have nailed it. Nicely decorated interior, and a very comfy bar (I'm a sucker for a good bar), small menu of gourmet-style tacos, order up at the counter and they bring it out to you. Tasty salsa selection. The taco prices were a reasonable $3.50 for a decent portion of some sort of standard meat, up to I think it was almost 7 bucks for the special of the day, alligator. Yes, they had an alligator taco. I'd pay 7 bones for that (but I didn't). We played it safe and ordered 3 tacos, I'd tell you what they were but we already covered why I can't. All the tacos had a little flare to them, and at the risk of being pretentious, the flare worked beautifully on all 3 specimen we ingested. A sprinkle of pumpkin seeds, a dusting of crumbled goat cheese...what this place reminds me of is someplace that we'd visit in Austin, another city with great, inexpensive and interesting food. These guys know they can't compete with Lily's, who are undisputed masters of the simple, cheap taco, so they've upped the ante a little bit with experimental flavors and it turns out superb. As difficult as it is for me to venture so perilously close to the gaping maw of State Street, we'll undoubtedly be back to El Taco Tequila Taqueria. I hope they can make a run of it.

La Super Rica

I hadn't entertained the thought of letting anyone else use this blog as a forum for opinions on the food in this town, not because I don't care what anyone else thinks, but because....well, actually it is because I don't care what anyone else thinks. But Micah cleaned out his bank account, hobbled over to Super Rica the other day, and since I can't afford to go there, I asked him to write a guest review of America's most famous taqueria, a place that I once read about as "one of the top ten restaurants in America" (some USA Today article from ten years ago, as I recall), which I always though was funny because it'd end up at the latter half of my top 10 restaurants on friggin Milpas Street. Anyways, here's Micah:

Everyone’s heard of La Super Rica. Fucking everyone. A common tale in the world of food, the taqueria’s rise to fame can be traced back to one enthusiastic review. Now, I’m a chef, and I have nothing but respect for Julia Childs. Her impact on the culinary world was profound. Shit, she’s like the Jack Lalane of cooking for millions of housewives (except she’d argue that sugar is a gift from heaven where Jack seems to think its the devil’s spawn). Her knowledge and ability in the realms of French cuisine were world class. Period. However, it kills me to see her, and to be honest any chef’s, review be the end all for things culinary. C’mon, would you choose an opera based on Snoop Dog’s review? Well, for all I know he’s an expert, but you get the point. Yes, La Super Rica is a choice place to eat. I’d rather eat there every day for the rest of my life than endure another meal at other tourist traps like Longboards or the ever changing shit-hole at Hendry’s Beach, but the never ending line out the door at the house with the aqua marine trim is sort of ridiculous.

Bridget and I are smart. We show up during the lull between late afternoon snackers and dinner rush hour traffic. Right around 5 pm on a Thursday there was, believe it or not, no line at the “worlds greatest taqueria”. We’ve got the flavor lust. That insane craving from deep inside that calls out for spice and grease. Possibly the symptom of some parasite contracted long ago with a corn and pork fetish, the cure is simple - mexican food - and our choice to treat the ailment with a solid dose of La Super Rica is not much different than requesting the name brand from a pharmacist. It was going to be more money for, well, the same thing. Now, I know what you’re thinking. What kind of stingy asshole complains about the prices at a place where many of the menu items cost less than a beer and there’s a small mexican women making tortillas by hand right behind the counter? Well this asshole; who somehow managed to spend $40 bucks on dinner for two (Actually, I didn’t have any cash, so Bridget picked up the tab - another authentic touch).

Fine fine fine. We did order 6 items and two Modelos, but this quantity is sort of necessary if one is to satiate any true craving at a place that serves most of their dishes on a postage stamp sized plate. Yes people, all those $2.75 tacos aren’t very big and there ain’t much meat falling off the sides of those homemade tortillas. I figure a Cucas burrito weighs about 15 times as much as a taco from La Super Rica, and c’mon, how often are you hungry for just a little mexican food? The larger (like 5:1 Cucas ratio) more expensive dishes like they’re specials can be as much as $7.95. That’s how much we pay for the chicken enchiladas, and I’m pretty sure that veggie tamale they’re always pimping is close to that as well, and although tasty, it’s smaller.

The food arrives and we get to work. The classics which I’d recommend to anyone; the Super Rica Special (marinated pork, peppers, cheese over tortillas) and the Pasillas with Cheese (think bubbling mass of sticky spicy goodness) are fantastic as always. The rest of the dishes taste mediocre compared to many of their competitors. Bridget ordered what is more or less the Super Rica Special with steak instead of pork. The dry meat is devoid of flavor, something that simply won’t do. The chicken enchiladas are ok - a good choice for the kids maybe. No spice in that red sauce. Fantasies of Altamarino’s mole enchiladas float through my head as I attempt to solve the situation with additional salsa roja. Its rare that chorizo fails to hit the mark, but like the steak it’s dry and uninteresting. Served alone on a tortilla, I’m anything but inspired by the taco I paid almost 3 dollars for. Lilly’s is already stealing some of the tourist traffic with all the rave reviews they continue to get from local food “authorities” like the Independent, and this dish is a good example of why. And finally, the gordita. Simply put - WTF? I’ve always loved La Super Rica beans. When you order beans at this place they’re served in a marvelous broth filled with bacon and herbs. Its simple brilliance. So I figure those same beans would be nice mashed up inside a tortilla pocket. Unfortunately something terrible happens in the process. The one small gordita’s insides have the texture of old oatmeal and somehow the mash has lost all remnants of bean flavor. This glorified tortilla also cost almost 3 dollars.

I know. I’m being a little hard on poor La Super Rica. Those poor people slaving back there all day while the glutinous gringo bitches about their authentic expression of mexican heritage. You know what? Fuck that. That line out the door is paying way more than the rent and the cost of inexpensive meat. Someone’s making some money here, I promise. And while I’m on a tirade, I’d like to point out something else. That very friendly older gentlemen that’s always working the the cash register - he speaks perfect fucking english! Yeah, no need to fumble through your order attempting to squeeze meaning out of those handful of words you’ve held onto since high school. Look behind you moron. There’s a line out the door! Besides, this practice is fairly similar to addressing a high school student like they’re in pre school. “Oh thats a good little calculus student... lemme help you with that baba.” If you can actually speak Spanish and it gets you off to order in, what may be, the fine gentlemen’s native tongue, have at it! Romanticize the shit out of him. If not, show the guy some fucking respect and use a language that you both understand. Speaking of which, I wonder how Julia Childs placed her order on that fateful day. I have this feeling she stuck to the King’s English ripe with joyous cackles. However, I may have paid extra to hear her order in Spanglish. “Me llamo Julia. Me encanto comida mexican. Yo tango number seven....”

Laguna Deli

Over the last couple months I’ve had at least 3 people tell me about the food at the Laguna Deli (512 Laguna Street). It sems like word of mouth is turning this joint into one of those places where, “You’ve got to check it out”.

Well today I finally did, and I’m here to tell you it was damn good.

I got there early (meaning before every trades-person in the Haley/Gutierrez world had descended upon their counter at noon) and there was only a short line for food at the back of the store. The menu is short and simple, tacos (in 2 sizes) and plates, most of the normal meats, and a breakfast burrito that I am very excited to try next week. I ended up getting 4 tacos (2 carnitas, 1 adobada, and 1 asada). They were $1.25….and delicious. The carnitas was the best, moist but not too moist and quality meat. The asada was good too. I liked the adobada least, which is unfortunate because when it’s done right it’s by far my favorite meat-style (for absolutely great adobada check out Lily’s Tacos and Mayo’s Taqueria).
Huge thumbs up after this visit and I’ll write more after I get a breakfast burro next week.

La Colmena

If you drive down Milpas just past Montecito Street there's the obvious 'weird' building sitting between two equally weird streets. For many years it was the home of Pavlako's, a Greek restaurant which I never saw anyone eat in, never ate there myself and was fully convinced was a front for some sort of large narcotics operation. Well, eventually Pavlako's went under and The Cajun Kitchen moved in, under the guise that what this neighborhood really needed was a restaurant that has no parking and serves really, really average food. Not surprisingly, there weren't enough cops in the neighborhood to keep the place up and running so it went under rather quickly. The building then sat empty for a while until a couple months ago when La Colmena opened it's doors with a small menu of tacos, alambres and quesadillas.

Now I was pretty happy about this place opening up, mainly because it would be the closest Mexican food to my office that's not El Bajio. You see, somehow I ended up with a job just off the Mexican food haven of Milpas Street but 200 feet away from this fine city's worst over-priced taqueria. (This posting isn't about El Bajio so I'll bag on them another day). But the idea of a new place that was almost the same distance away was very exciting. So I went a few times right off the bat and unfortunately, it just wasn't anything great, although definitely not bad, and a shitload better than El Bajio at a fraction of the price. I've been sticking with the tacos, trying different styles, but it's so hard to rave on a place that's obviously trying to be a sort of "East Side Lily's" and is so far from it. The tacos at Lily's are like a gift from the gods, sent down to the mortals and blessed by Argentinean supermodels. The tacos at La Colmena aren't really a gift from the gods, they're just a gift from whatever animal sacrificed their flesh for me to get some calories at lunch.